Calming the Stormy Seas

Sometimes, I feel like this.

Kind of scattered and spread pretty thin

I got to church this morning, and since my two littlest boys were home with

colds, I had time to look at that feeling, and to evaluate it. 

Within a few minutes, I decided that sometimes, I also feel like this

On the verge of being swallowed by a very large wave.  Trying desperately to

keep my footing, and failing. 

As I evaluated these feelings of turmoil, I first did as I always do. 

I justified these feelings by looking at the crazy life I lead.  The crazy life

I have chosen. 

I probably could have added in a picture of a juggler.  I feel like that too.  A lot.  

Numerous items swirl in my brain.   Appointments that need to be made, meetings

that need to be attended, dates that need to be remembered, laundry that still needs to be folded, school shopping that needs to be done,  a yard that desperately needs the help of an entire landscaping company. 

And suddenly, I had a moment of clarity in the stormy ocean of thoughts

A thought about an ocean

about a storm

about a swirling sea

And again, I knew

what I have been taught again and again

In a stormy sea, there is only

ONE

who can command the wind and the waves

only ONE

who can calm the sea

only ONE

who can help me when I feel so scattered, so incapable

As I paged through my Bible, re-reading references to the incident when Christ did calm the seas, I came upon another reference.

                                      Where Christ asks for Peter's faith
                                                     in a stormy sea
                                            And wondered to myself

                       with all the worrying, with all the chruning thoughts
                                         how do I compare to Peter?


22 ¶ And straightway Jesus constrained his disciples to get into a ship, and to go before him unto the other side, while he sent the multitudes away.

23 And when he had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to apray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.
24 But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.
25 And ain the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.

26 And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good acheer; it is I; be not afraid.

28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was aafraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little afaith, wherefore didst thou bdoubt?

32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.

33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

                    And it came to me, the words of Christ, in the Bible.

                      O thou of little afaith, wherefore didst thou doubt



               Knowing that He can bring Peace, that He can work miracles
                             I will begin to ask for mercy in my life
                                that mine can become one of peace
                                   that I can be a part of a miracle
                              that He will help calm my stormy seas.

The Crib

The End of an era

     In actuality, there were two cribs. The first, purchased at a local thrift store. Previously owned, still in good condition. We, as new parents, and new homeowners, trying to conserve money decided it was a viable option. Not the crib in the magazines, not the crib of our dreams. A sister loaned us a bumper pad full of bright colors guaranteed to make our child start learning from his very first moments. That crib filled us with such excitement, visions of first child, a first creation.

     Eventually, that same crib housed 4 children. Each child being summarily pushed out of the nest by the subsequent sibling. Each graduating to a bed while the new baby made good use of the crib. After 4 children, the pre-owned crib developed enough cracks and bends that it needed to be replaced.

     This time, however, we decided to purchase a new crib. Still not the crib of our dreams, but a real improvement over our starter model. A crib that could house more children, and eventually grandchildren. Hindsight says that perhaps, had we started with a new crib, we would have been able to use it for all of our children. They say hindsight is 20/20.

     Four more children have put that new crib to good use. There are teeth marks on the rail, dents from toys tossed with too much exuberance, the springs under the mattress have managed to withstand jumping not only by the baby, but also by the siblings, as they have sometimes sneaked in, one by one to entertain the current baby by pretending they were, indeed, monkeys, jumping on the bed.

     This week – for the first time in 17 years, there is no baby in our crib. My emotions have fallen short of my expectations. There is only a hint of sadness, no tears, and little longing for days gone by. This causes me to wonder. Now that my baby is three years old, what do I feel? It is not a yearning for another baby in the crib.

     Strangely, the empty crib has brought with it a feeling of finality. An overall satisfaction of a job well done. I feel as if Bob and I have completed one part of a task that we set out to do. I remember dates spent, long walks, learning all about each other before we were married, talking about the elusive future. We agreed then that eight would be our ideal number of children. Reality set in with each child. There was always the thought, the question – could I really do it again? After child number 6 was born I was ready to be finished. Ready for a break from the constant demands placed on my body, on my time, and on my sanity. I feel exquisite gratitude for a Father in Heaven who seems to know me better than I know myself. Who sent me two more children to help me feel whole……complete…..satisfied.

     I am so grateful for the crib, now standing empty in the guest room. Willing to be used by whatever parents have a need. But my profound gratitude exists with those eight babies who each took their turn in the crib. For the memories created, that will last me a lifetime, each time I pass by the crib.