Identity Crisis

 

Recently, Bob and I took a much needed vacation away from our children.  Really, we bought two plane tickets and flew to Missouri to pick up a Natural Gas Van for our family.  But it felt like a much needed vacation! 

As we flew, talked, and drove, I tried to explain to Bob that sometimes, when I am out without my children I feel somewhat lost and find myself throwing them into my conversations with strangers. 

I would feel strange about this, but I remember my own father telling the checker in the grocery store “yes, these are all my children, but these are not ALL of my children”.  I also remember him walking up to a stranger, my mother on his arm saying something like “let me introduce you to the mother of my 10 children.  She doesn’t look like she has had 10 children, does she?”

As I tried to explain to Bob about my need to let people know about my 8 children, I began to tell him that sometimes, when I am out in a crowd by myself, I feel – almost lost.  I walk around thinking “Nobody even knows who I am!  Nobody knows that I have left such important treasures at home.  Nobody has any idea that I spend 90% of my time with the people I adore”

Bob is out in the working world.  He did not seem to understand that my identity is tied to my children.  Tied to the work I do day in and day out.  Tied to the fevered brows that I wipe, the clothes that I  fold, the food that I cook. 

Jokingly, I explained that I should tattoo my children’s pictures on my arms so that everywhere I go, people will KNOW!  People will be able to SEE what is truly important to me.  That way everybody will know who I really am, and what I really value. 

And in that instant, I had a flash of understanding.  A sudden knowledge that my Savior feels the same way about ALL  of us! 

The scripture came to mind:  Isaiah 49:16

16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;

Suddenly the scripture takes on all new meaning, a different sort of clarity.   Could it be that my Savior  is so willing to carry those marks on his hands, because it means that people will know who HE is and what he values? 

Knowing that HE died for me, died for ALL of us, I am so happy to know that he loves me enough to carry me with him always.