I dream of napping: A Forever Valentine

Valentines Day always reminds me of high school.

After 22 years -

Valentines Day STILL reminds me of high school. In my mind, it looks something like this:

This

is a vase of roses, from Carolina Roses

Except that in high school, I never got one of these for Valentine's day. Not that I didn't date. I did. Not that I didn't date exclusively. I did. One of the boys I dated had his mother pick up flowers for me (as most boys did in our area). This is what she left at the office for me:

Having waited and dreamed for what felt like eons for a "relationship" at the right time of year to qualify for being cool enough to get ROSES at school - this was a little embarrassing. I did not get mine in a vase, just wrapped in newspaper. Must have been a glitch in son/mother communication. Or his mother hated me?

In reality, this post is not about the flowers themselves.

It is about the heart of a teenager girl.

Who wanted so very badly

to be special enough

to get flowers

Valentine's Day.

Who dreamed of walking away from the office

with a beautiful vase

that would make her grin from ear to ear

and know

all would be as in the fairy tales.

Flowers on Valentine's Day = Happily Ever After

And Now - 22 years removed from High School....... 21 years into marriage with a wonderful man. Eight children into parenting. One child into his own apartment.....

I sat this morning, pondering my own valentine's day experience, and I had an epiphany. Possibly one that should have hit me years earlier.

I think the fact that I now have a 15 year old daughter and a 13 year old daughter helped to direct my thoughts. I thought of them at school, thought of the girls who are "in relationships" who would be rewarded today with flowers, stuffed animals, candy, or balloons - simply because they are currently "with someone".

What an awful thought! Bob and I have spent all of our years of parenting, since our children were old enough to have their own first crushes - discouraging premature pairing off.

I heard it said once that going steady and breaking up in jr. high and high school are practicing divorce. We believe it is a fundamentally important time in their lives when they should have MANY friends of the opposite gender. Where they should be able to learn how to be comfortable around boys/girls. Where they do not practice pairing up - when there is absolutely nothing positive to be gained by fueling the hormones and the thoughts of "sparkly love".

Plenty would not agree with me. And that is ok with me. That is the awesome thing about parenting - each parent can do what they feel is best for THEIR children. And in our discussions, Bob and I feel it is important to encourage our children to wait until they are mature enough to handle the roller coaster of tumultuous feelings, as well as choose a spouse when they feel right about it.

With our boys - who are both past the age of 16, we have encouraged dating in groups, having lots of good, clean, creative fun, learning about personality types, styles of conversation, family influences. Hopefully when it comes time for then to choose a spouse, they will not act ONLY on hormones, but also be able to choose wisely - a spouse with qualities that will make them happy forever.

With our girls we will encourage the same thing. Group dating. Lots of fun, clean activities, being comfortable with the opposite gender, and hopefully a thoughtful choice about a spouse when they are ready.

But today - I was saddened at the thought of my "unattached" girls

feeling left out at school.

So I bought one of these: